An Elegy to Uninventive Titles

Author’s note: I have not read the books whose titles are included within this poem (aside from ‘The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,’ which I enjoyed), and cannot speak for their quality or lack thereof. They may be great reads for all I know. Nevertheless, their titles leave something to be desired and, as far as I’m concerned, do no favors to their tales. For fun: how many titles do you count? A prize to the correct guess!

Beware that girl
The girl on the train
The girl with the dragon tattoo

That girl’s bad news
Just look at those shoes
Who knows what next she’ll do

The girl who disappeared?
She’s the girl who took her
She’s behind all the missing girls,
Took ‘em sink, line, and hooker

Where are all those girls?
(Some say she keeps the girls in the garden)
And my pessimism please pardon,
but if one of these girls were to survive,
She’d for sure be the luckiest girl alive

But who was the girl before?
You ask what to call her?
Why, she’s the girl at war
She’s a girl underwater
She’s the girl with no name
Or is it the girl with seven names?
Or maybe the girl who was Saturday
Who living now can for sure say?

It’s enough to drive a search engine crazy
The pace with which these girlish titles come on
And more arise with each day, each no less the lazy
than the last. So instead be gone girl, gone!

( ©2017 Sean Dorsey )

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